Things I’ll Never Say

I just wanted you to know

that saying no to you

was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I hope you know my friends hear about you

all the time.

I hope you know I tried,

but my chest could only take the beatings for so long.

I hope you heard the ache in my voice when I called

and the tremble in my upper lip as I spoke.

I hope you didn’t mean what you said

when you called me

heartless and unforgiving.

I hope you know how ruined my body was

when you left.

I hope you know I powdered my face

to cover the wet streak that rolled down my cheek.

I hope you know I had to tell myself

that tough people don't cry.

I hope you know that after we hung up

my tears splattered into the ground

so brutally that it collapsed.

I hope you know it wasn’t easy.

I hope you know i’m sorry.

I just wanted you to know that.